Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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