I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
