Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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