make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
