you're like a bully in the Christmas story
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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