I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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