hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
