she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Pants are for mortals
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
