Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
nutella sex= disaster
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
