How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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