weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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