If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
