it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
