we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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