just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
