Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
