Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Send help, water and tortillas.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
