just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
she smelled like a LAN party
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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