I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
