Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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