Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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