Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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