Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
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