Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
