i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
