her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
