Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
