I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
