trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
