If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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