I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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