I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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