Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
