Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
