just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He has the fingertips of a God
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
