I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
