drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
