He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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