Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
you never un-have a 4some
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
