I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
