i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Randomize
