i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
