Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
