If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
