So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
