I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
