i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I am midnight drunk by noon
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Randomize
