Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
