I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
