last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
