Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
