I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
