They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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